One can’t talk blended families without addressing divorce, for most blended families come about as a result of a previous chapter ending. And one can’t talk divorce without addressing the stigmas attached to it.
Divorce has become a common reality in today’s society. Despite this, divorce still carries with it an unnecessary societal shame and stigma. This shame can be particularly acute for women, who can be made to feel that they have failed in their role as a wife and mother. But the truth is that divorce is a personal decision, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.
First and foremost, it is important to recognize that divorce is a difficult and often painful process. The decision to end a marriage is not one that is made lightly. It can be an emotional rollercoaster, with feelings of anger, sadness, and fear all vying for attention.
However, it is equally important to recognize that divorce can also be a positive step towards a happier and healthier future. In many cases, staying in an unhappy or toxic marriage can do more harm than good. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and other health problems. By making the decision to end a marriage, individuals are taking an important step towards taking control of their lives and their well-being.
As society continues to evolve, so too must our attitudes towards divorce. For too long, women going through this have been made to feel ashamed and stigmatized by society, as if the dissolution of a marriage is a personal failure. This shame cuts even deeper when you are dealing with an African family who judge your value in a union based on the amount of suffering you can endure!
It is time for us to change the narrative.
Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that divorce is not a failure, but rather a natural conclusion to a relationship that is no longer working. No good, healthy and happy marriage ends in divorce. As motivational speaker Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” It takes immense courage to acknowledge that a relationship is no longer working and to take the steps necessary to move forward, knowing you have no control over the outcome. It is important to recognize that there is no shame in seeking happiness and fulfillment in life, even if that means ending a marriage.
However, the stigma surrounding divorce can make the process even more stressful and challenging for women. It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation, which can impact mental health and well-being. It is crucial for society to change its views and start to see divorce as a natural and acceptable part of life that we can openly talk about.
To achieve this, we need to start by changing the way we talk about divorce. Rather than using words like “failure” or “broken,” we should reframe divorce as a positive step towards growth and personal fulfillment. You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships that are draining the life force out of you and lowering your vibration. You have every right to walk away from people who hurt, cheat on or lie to you because you know you deserve better. You are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving for periods in your life when you have faced some form of abuse or trauma and heal at your own pace.
You don’t owe a single soul an explanation for taking care of yourself.
Additionally, we need to provide more support and resources for women going through a divorce. This can include readily available access to counseling, cost-effective legal advice, and financial planning services. It is equally important to create a community where women going through a divorce can feel supported and understood – a safe space where they can share, vent and ultimately find healing for a better more fulfilling life. By acknowledging that divorce is not a personal failure, we can start to shift the narrative and create a more accepting and understanding society.
In her book Untamed, author and speaker Glennon Doyle says, “It takes special bravery to honour yourself when the crowd is pressuring you not to. It’s easier to just give in…Standing strong in what you felt and knew, to me, that’s the greatest bravery.”
Going through a divorce is one of the most painful, experience families go through. For women going through a divorce, there is a strong need for support and to be understood, rather than stigmatised. We can start this change by reframing divorce as a positive step where one is moving from strife and pain towards growth and personal fulfillment, and by providing more support and resources for those going through the process we can create a more accepting and understanding society for all.
Be kinds. Give hugs.
Bren