Wholesome is a bit of a strange word. It’s everything (Whole) and not much (Some)… all at the same time. And I think that sums up how parenting should be.
A lot of us were working and parenting during the pandemic. Riddled with anxiety over the health and safety of loved ones, but also losing sleep wondering how cheese and cooking oil got to the lofty heights of selling at R120 a block and per bottle. All the while having to sit through endless Zoom meetings and navigating the complicated ever-changing levels of load-shedding.
The emotional, psychological and mental toll it’s taken we will probably never fully realise and the collective post-traumatic stress disorder we all have, we may never acknowledge.
And while the world (and our employers) would like to act as if life has gone back to normal and it is now business as usual, the reality is nothing will ever be normal again.
No one emerged from this pandemic stronger – we all crawled out a bit beaten, a bit bruised and severely traumatised (mostly probably as a result of having to deal with a complete alcohol ban while having to homeschool).
On a normal non-post pandemic day, parenting can be very challenging – there is very little room for wallowing, self-pity or rest. Adulting can be tough in-between work, countless school runs, lunch packing and the incessant demands of a 6-year-old demanding you make them a toasted cheese sandwich and play Roblox with them…all at the same time!
The need to be a perfect parent can leave one in a tailspin. And this is why the concept of perfect parenting needs to be ditched and left in the past alongside with homophobia, phone calls and CrossFit. In my opinion, wholesome parenting is the way to go. Why? Because wholesome is a very forgiving word that shows understanding and compassion. For while it’s impossible to be constantly whole with everything going on around us, it also reminds us that it’s selfish to only be some all the time.
Wholesome captures the perfect balance. Some days we will be on point and our loved ones will get the best of us and when we have those days, we must relish them, be grateful and give ourselves a pat on the back. On other days, however, we are operating on fumes and all we can give is some of us and that usually comes with a side serving of the worst of us.
But the lesson is to be authentic in both scenarios so our kids know it’s okay to be amazing, organised and happy – but also acknowledge and accept (without guilt) that because we are only human, it’s also okay to be tearful, tired, grumpy and let them have “whatever is in the fridge” for supper while you nurse a glass of wine cause you just need a moment.
Both are acceptable.
There is no judgment.
Aim for the whole but when it comes, accept the some.